R.I.P. Derek Carr’s Superstar Status (Week 8 2023-Week 9 2023)
Snitches and gentlemen, friends, and fellow football fans, we are gathered here today to commemorate the fleeting superstar status of none other than Derek Carr, the quarterback who soared to greatness, reaching the pinnacle of his career from Week 8 to Week 9 of the 2023 NFL season ascending to superstar status and peaking at 5th in MVP voting. Yes, it is a sad day as we eulogize a superstar who was cut down in his 32 year old prime by Keraun snitching, it was incredibly short-lived, but we will remember the memory of his superstar dev nonetheless.
Derek Carr… ‘s safety valve ability, we hardly got a chance to meet you! From that momentous victory in Week 8 when you threw for 400 yards and four touchdowns, five if you count the pick six, the entire city of New Orleans crowned you the second coming of Drew Brees. PML declared you the heir to the throne of Tom Brady instead of Patrick Mahomes. But alas, like a one night stand, you came and left, disappearing before you could ascend higher.
Let’s reminisce about those beautiful days, 3 days to be exact, when Derek Carr could do no wrong. He was the man who could spot a receiver from a mile away. His arm strength was legendary, or at least pretty adequate for a 32 year old.
Derek Carr, you were the quarterback who could turn a 3rd and six into a touchdown with the flick of your wrist, since the screen pass was just a small flick of your wrist. Your superhuman accuracy was on full display, as long as you were throwing within 5 yards from a clean pocket.
And who could forget your incredible leadership? You inspired your teammates to achieve greatness, or at least the defense who got 3 pick sixes in one game to make sure the offense couldn’t blow it.
But, alas, like all great stars, your brilliance dimmed, and it dimmed fast. After Week 9, you were no longer the chosen one. You were cut down by viscous snitches who couldn’t bear to see a young (old) man succeed. You lost that incredible superstar upgrade (safety valve).
Derek, we’re here to celebrate the incredible journey of your superstar status, from meteoric rise to spectacular nosedive. Your short-lived reign was a beacon of hope, reminding us all that in the world of professional sports, one can go from hero to, well, not-so-hero in a matter of minutes.
So, in honor of Derek Carr’s one-week stint as a superstar, let us raise our glasses to a quarterback who, for a brief moment, shone so brightly in the football galaxy that it left us all with our jaws wide. May he forever remain a reminder that in the NFL, there are no guarantees except for death, taxes, and PML members going out of their way to hurt others. Farewell Derek Carr’s superstardom, you didn’t break any rules but you will be missed nonetheless.
