its a coup. I own the Power Rankings this week. Everyone’s getting roasted.
1. Minnesota Vikings (12-1): Somehow a worse version of Dan Orlovsky and that includes his post nfl career. Boom Roasted.
2. Detroit Lions (11-2): We get it, you used to be in PML. You’re cringey and have an OP roster, relax. Boom Roasted.
3. Kansas City Chiefs (10-2): 10-2 on the season but 0-5 in getting his opponents internet to not s*** itself. Boom Roasted.
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (10-3): If 2018-2021 Chris Sale was a madden user, it would be you. Boom Roasted.
5. Los Angeles Chargers (9-3): Maybe if you weren’t a communist you would be able to afford better internet. Boom Roasted.
6. Buffalo Bills (10-3): Has had such a bad two weeks that somehow he drops to under a team who couldn’t score 14 on the 2-11 Falcons. Boom Roasted.
7. Philadelphia Eagles (9-4): Playing his defense feels like he has an extra player on the field. Watching his offense feels like he has an extra chromosome. Boom Roasted.
8. Seattle Seahawks (8-5): 5-0 against his division. 3-5 against people with thumbs. Boom Roasted.
9. Dallas Cowboys (8-5): https://operations.nfl.com/the-rules/nfl-overtime-rules/ Boom Roasted.
10. New York Giants (8-5): C tier team, B tier season, F tier meme game (WHAT) Boom Roasted.
11. New Orleans Saints (8-5): Goody two shoes in chat. Quit being so nice nerd. Boom Roasted.
12. Denver Broncos (7-6): maybe if we adjusted the sliders, PML bums wouldnt have a CPU team in the top 15. Boom Roasted.
13. New England Patriots (7-6): the PML Joe rogan but like the bald,old joe rogan that won’t stop talking about COVID ya know… Boom Roasted.
14. Green Bay Packers (7-6): Florida man scared to go for it on 4th and goal to win Boom Roasted.
15. Washington Commanders (7-6): This is not the Que from 2019, man has a winning record on the gridiron and a hall monitor mentality in chat Boom Roasted.
16. Indianapolis Colts (6-7): Is there a single ex-athlete in PML with a winning record? Boom Roasted.
17. Cleveland Browns (6-7): Good to see you grown up, not one slur in chat this cycle.Boom Roasted.
18. New York Jets (5-7): Man called me vexing in Wimmys chat. Sir get out of websters dictionary and into a madden playbook you are 5-7 Boom Roasted.
19. Chicago Bears (6-7): Ke landed a big role in his personal life, if only they could ask him to act like a competent madden player Boom Roasted.
20. Las Vegas Raiders (6-7): You’re like if coach’s suggestions were a person. I refuse to elaborate Boom Roasted.
21. Baltimore Ravens (5-8): The only comment ive seen from him in chat said #FuckHD, youre good with me.
22. Miami Dolphins (4-8): This offense just works like a recently concussed Tua. Why aren’t we handing the ball to Raheem every play Boom Roasted.
23. Arizona Cardinals (5-8): You somehow got worse as your team got healthier Boom Roasted.
24. Los Angeles Rams (5-8): 7 game losing streak, more like Fallen off a cliff amirite. Boom Roasted.
25. San Francisco 49ers (5-8): Only chat comment ive seen from D-ray said “we need a year or two” sir you are the niners Boom Roasted.
26. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-8): I was told Jags user played ball. Im willing to bet money he played defense cause he loves INTs….Boom Roasted.
27. Tennessee Titans (4-8): I have nothing against Miles. Say imma take this opportunity to say #FreeJamo and he never broke any written rule. Boom Roasted.
28. Houston Texans (4-9): His chat name is BYYooouhhhh which stands for BYU, but it also stands for what everyone’s receivers say to his DBs. Boom Roasted.
29. Cincinnati Bengals (3-10): You got 6 games against the worst users in PML and we still ranked 29th Boom Roasted.
30. Carolina Panthers (2-11): JT fronts as a charismatic leader with a humble mentality while he grifts the server for $750 a month. He might be the Joel Olsteen of madden leagues. Boom Roasted.
31. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-11): First comment in chat said there was a new top dog, but my madden says HD made you a bottom. Boom Roasted.
32. Atlanta Falcons (2-11): Man bets the under on all of his Falcons madden stats so at least he still wins when he gets blown out weekly Boom Roasted.
Editor note: these are jokes, and if you haven’t watched the office, it’s meant to be corny. Please don’t dm me with hurt feelings
Also some of you guys I genuinely don’t know so you’re kinda spared.
