PITTSBURGH – The Pittsburgh Steelers are gearing up for a divisional showdown with the Cincinnati Bengals, and the story everyone is talking about is not just Joe Burrow’s hot streak. It is the growing rumor that Burrow might not actually be fully human. Around the league, the quarterback has been christened “Cyborg Joe,” and with the way he has been throwing the football lately, you would think he is running on software updates instead of Gatorade.
The talk started after Burrow carved up defenses in back-to-back weeks with the kind of accuracy that makes defensive coordinators stare at the ceiling at night. Some say he is half man, half machine. Others say he is just what happens when you combine surgeon-level precision with the calmness of a guy ordering DoorDash. Whatever the case, “Cyborg Joe” has become the hottest nickname in football.
Head coach DK LaFleur admitted the challenge with a grin. “They call him Cyborg Joe for a reason. He does not miss. We are checking the sideline this week to see if he plugs into a charging station at halftime.”
Teammates around the league have leaned into the bit. Ja’Marr Chase allegedly told reporters, “If Joe is a robot, then I guess I am his Wi-Fi.” A rival coach even joked, “You do not blitz Cyborg Joe, you just hope his battery life runs out in the fourth quarter.”
The Steelers, however, have no time for sci-fi speculation. Their job is to hit the reset button on Burrow, and that means pressure from the defensive front. T.J. Watt and Alex Highsmith will be tasked with testing whether even a cyborg can stay calm with a pass rush in his face. In the secondary, Jalen Ramsey and Joey Porter Jr. will do their best to unplug the connection between Burrow and his receivers, though easier said than done.
Offensively, Pittsburgh knows it cannot hand free possessions to the league’s supposed machine. Desmond Ridder has thrown the ball well, but turnovers have been costly. “You cannot give extra drives to a guy who might actually have a built-in GPS system,” LaFleur said. “Every throw has to count.”
The run game also remains a point of emphasis. Jaylen Warren has shown bursts of power, but LaFleur admitted he has to lean on the ground game more. “If Burrow is part robot, then we need to keep him off the field. Best way to do that is with long drives and handoffs.”
Of course, the league rumor mill has not stopped turning. Memes of Burrow with glowing red eyes and captions like “System Update: Version 9.9.9” have filled the chat. One viral edit even showed him with a USB port on the back of his helmet. And fans have joked that Burrow’s postgame press conferences sound like Siri reading patch notes.
LaFleur insists the team is locked in, but he admitted the chatter is impossible to escape. “We hear it. You open Discord and there is Burrow with laser beams coming out of his eyes. But when Sunday comes, it is still football. Cyborg or not, he can be hit, pressured, and forced into mistakes.”
For Steelers Nation, Week 7 carries all the weight of a rivalry game with the added spice of a league-wide conspiracy theory. Is Joe Burrow just in the zone, or is he secretly running on Madden sliders cranked to 99? The only way to find out is on the field.
Steel against steel, man against machine, with the entire division watching. And if Burrow really is a cyborg, Pittsburgh’s mission is simple: find the off switch.
– Forged In Steel Times
