In the hallowed halls of virtual football, a showdown looms—but one coach seems to be missing from the field. Oakland Raiders’ Madden maestro, Coach Codes, is ready to lock horns with Washington Commanders’ Coach Que. The only problem? Coach Que appears to be ghosting the game like a wide receiver on a busted route.
“Where’s Que?” Codes asked, pacing his virtual sideline. “I’ve got plays drawn up tighter than a 4th-and-inches QB sneak, but I can’t run them if he’s too busy babysitting a bottle of Hennessy.”
Reports have surfaced that Coach Que might have indulged in a bit too much “pregame preparation.” Sources close to the Commanders’ camp say Que was last seen hollering at his PS5 like it owed him money, all while gripping a glass of something suspiciously strong.
“I think he’s scared,” Codes said, grinning. “Not of my play-calling—of course that’s terrifying—but of his own inability to hit the X button after three shots of tequila.”
Que’s Commanders, known for their questionable 4th-quarter decisions and inexplicable fascination with trick plays, are now facing accusations of dodging the matchup. “Look, I’m not saying Que is ducking me,” Codes clarified. “I’m just saying if he wanted to play, he’d be here, controller in hand, not doing karaoke to Return of the Mack in his living room.”
Attempts to reach Coach Que for comment have been unsuccessful. His only response to Codes’ relentless taunting came via a blurry Instagram story featuring a selfie, a bottle of Patron, and the caption: “Soon, bro. Soon.”
Fans, however, are having a field day with the drama. A meme circulating on Twitter shows Que’s Madden avatar passed out on the sidelines with a Gatorade bottle replaced by a bottle of Jack Daniels. Another shows Codes holding up a playbook with the title, “How to Sober Up an Opponent Before Halftime.”
The showdown, if it ever happens, promises to be legendary—or at least entertaining. Until then, Coach Codes will keep firing shots, and Coach Que will, well, keep pouring them.
As one fan aptly commented, “Forget the game—we need a Netflix documentary on this rivalry. Call it When Madden Meets Mad Men.”
